At\u0131l bir hareketlilik h\u00e2li, ah \u015fu yolculuklar. G\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcne serilmi\u015fken \u00e7ivi gibi \u00e7ak\u0131lm\u0131\u015f da\u011flar ve \u015fu ince sema, yollar\u0131n \u00fczerinde geni\u015f\u00e7e s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcrken ben, camdaki yans\u0131mamla kar\u015f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ya gelmi\u015fim. O bana bak\u0131yor ben ona. Sanki ben onu tan\u0131mam\u0131\u015f\u0131m da o beni biliyor bir yerlerden. G\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn i\u00e7ine dalsam, \u00e7\u0131kamayaca\u011f\u0131m o derin siyahtan, dakikalarca. Ne de olsa vaktim bol. Dur daha, bir \u015feyler anlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum kabin memuru; herkes biliyor bir as\u0131rd\u0131r evcille\u015ftikten sonra kimsenin yola g\u00fcne\u015ften \u00f6nce do\u011fan \u015fu araca biletsiz binmeyece\u011fini. \u0130ki sorusuna da medeniyetten nasibini alm\u0131\u015f biri gibi, norma b\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcp cevap verince adeta kovmu\u015f bulundum adam\u0131. \u015eimdi \u015fu gece siyah\u0131na geri d\u00f6nelim. G\u00f6zleri geride b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015fehre dokunakl\u0131 bir hikaye anlat\u0131yor, zar zor duyumsanacak ince bir sesle, yava\u015f yava\u015f. Ka\u015flar\u0131ysa gitti\u011fi istikamete korkak ama kararl\u0131 bir duru\u015fla kar\u015f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor, cesaret diye buna derim. Y\u00fcz\u00fcne r\u00fczgarm\u0131\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na vuran klima, sen ne kadar yapay bir zorluksun. Ama sen olmasan ne olacak bahanesi k\u0131s\u0131l\u0131p b\u00fcz\u00fclmeye ant i\u00e7mi\u015f g\u00f6z kapaklar\u0131n\u0131n bu ac\u0131nas\u0131 yans\u0131mam\u0131n? \u015eu uyku mayho\u015fu, yorgun, g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fcz g\u00fcne\u015f mi? Onun da zaman\u0131 var, onun da zamana ihtiyac\u0131 var, belli ki hen\u00fcz kendine gelememi\u015f. O g\u00fcne\u015fi de anlam\u0131yorum sevgili yans\u0131mam, nas\u0131l m\u00fcsamaha g\u00f6sterir, nas\u0131l tahamm\u00fcl eder kendisine her allah\u0131n g\u00fcn\u00fc arkas\u0131n\u0131 d\u00f6nen kahpe d\u00fcnyaya? Kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131ks\u0131zca verdi\u011fi o s\u0131cak g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f yetmezmi\u015f gibi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u0130nsana bak insana, d\u00fcnya onun san\u0131yor. Penceremden d\u0131\u015far\u0131, ge\u00e7ti\u011fim yollar hep ya da\u011f ya da bombo\u015f arazi. \u0130nsandan \u00e2ri. O ye\u015fillerin \u00fcst\u00fcnde ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7in \u015fansl\u0131s\u0131n yans\u0131mam. Ama bir s\u00fcre senin ya\u015fam alan\u0131nda yaln\u0131z kalsam, biraz sana bakmay\u0131 b\u0131raksam iyi olur. Hem, sema g\u00f6zlerinden k\u00f6m\u00fcr olana kadar vaktimiz var. Pek uzun yolmu\u015f, \u00f6yle de\u011fil mi? Ama ge\u00e7ecek, zaman bu, usul usul, fark ettirmeden, alt\u0131ndan arkana do\u011fru kay\u0131p gidecek.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ke\u015fke otob\u00fcsler, trenler ve insanlar arada bir yoldan \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p \u015f\u00f6yle bir geriye d\u00f6nse. Ama\u00e7s\u0131z avareli\u011fin tad\u0131n\u0131 biraz alsalar. Otob\u00fcs ve trenleri bilmem ama insanlar en az\u0131ndan kendilerini kand\u0131rmam\u0131\u015f olur, yolunu bildikleri yan\u0131lg\u0131s\u0131na d\u00fc\u015fmezler. Muavin ya da tren g\u00f6revlileri bir anons ge\u00e7se, “De\u011ferli yolcular\u0131m\u0131z, arac\u0131m\u0131z yar\u0131m saatlik ters istikamet sapmas\u0131na ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f bulunmaktad\u0131r, \u00f6n\u00fcn\u00fczde ge\u00e7mi\u015f oldu\u011fumuz yollar\u0131 g\u00f6receksiniz. \u0130yi sapmalar dileriz. Bir saat kaybettim diye a\u011flayacaksan\u0131z u\u00e7a\u011fa binseydiniz.”. Ama m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fil. Arada bir durur mola verirler vermesine de o da yaln\u0131zca daha ileriye gidebilmek i\u00e7indir. \u015eof\u00f6r veya makinist istese de yapamaz. K\u0131r\u0131lsa direksiyon, tekerler d\u00f6nmez; geriye gitmesin diye tren, raylar yerinden \u00e7\u0131kar. Hayat\u0131n kural\u0131 bu, ileriye akmayan \u015fey \u00f6l\u00fcd\u00fcr. G\u00f6z\u00fc arkas\u0131nda olan k\u00f6rd\u00fcr. Geriye d\u00f6nen yol, yoktur\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
D\u00fcnya alt\u0131mdan ak\u0131p giderken g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm baz\u0131 manzaralar \u00f6ylesine ha\u015fmetli bir huzur veriyor ki sorguluyorum, acaba bu manzaralar benim evim mi? Kap\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7alan toy bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce de olsa geri \u00e7eviremem, adetim de\u011fildir. Yan\u0131mdan ge\u00e7en giden her tablo ayn\u0131 sorularla ba\u015f ba\u015fa b\u0131rak\u0131r beni, ben buraya m\u0131 aidim? Normalde do\u011fam ve mizac\u0131mdan uzak diyarlarda m\u0131 ya\u015f\u0131yorum? Yoksa ben bu ormanlar\u0131n, vadilerin, g\u00f6llerin, da\u011flar\u0131n m\u0131 \u00e7ocu\u011fuyum? Niye hayat\u0131mda g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm her manzara beni b\u00f6ylesine g\u00fcvende hissettirmiyor? Ve sen yans\u0131mam, sen dedin ki “Sanki birden fazla evin olabilirmi\u015f gibi davranma! Nank\u00f6rl\u00fck ediyorsun.”. G\u00f6zlerin diyor ki evinden geliyorsun, ka\u015flar\u0131nsa evine gidiyorsun. Hay\u0131r sevgili yans\u0131mam, ben yolday\u0131m, ben seferiyim. Seferinin evi olmaz, onun yaln\u0131zca sorular\u0131 vard\u0131r.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daha ileri gitmek i\u00e7in zorunlu durmalardan birine yakla\u015f\u0131yoruz yine. Otob\u00fcs \u015fehre yana\u015ft\u0131, bu uzun yoldan s\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f yolcular bir de trafik g\u00f6r\u00fcnce oflay\u0131p puflamaya ba\u015flad\u0131. K\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131y\u0131 beklerken biz, yolda bir \u00e7ocuk g\u00f6z\u00fcme ili\u015fti. Herhalde daha \u00f6nce g\u00f6rmeyen yoktur, kirlerinden mide buland\u0131ran, sa\u00e7lar\u0131ndan pas akan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck dilenci \u00e7ocuklar. Bunlar\u0131n \u00e7o\u011fu bu yolu kendi se\u00e7memi\u015ftir, o ya\u015fta neyi kendi se\u00e7er ki insan? Ama bu \u00e7ocuklarda; insanlarda k\u00f6t\u00fc ve rahats\u0131z edici bir durumda olup da durumunu kendi se\u00e7memi\u015f dahi olsalar bizi onlara ac\u0131maktan, h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc g\u00f6zlerle bak\u0131p hayat \u00fczerine d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmekten al\u0131koyan bir yabanilik, kurtar\u0131lamazl\u0131k ne kadar vard\u0131r tart\u0131\u015f\u0131l\u0131r. Bu k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u00e7ocuk ama bana ba\u015fka bir \u00e7ocu\u011fu hat\u0131rlat\u0131yor. Bizim kar\u015f\u0131 evde ya\u015fayan, ge\u00e7mi\u015fte, \u00e7ok tatl\u0131 bir \u00e7ocuk. Omuzlar\u0131mdan atmak i\u00e7in d\u00fcnyay\u0131 bir dal yakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck balkonumdan d\u0131\u015far\u0131 bak\u0131p, birka\u00e7 dakika her \u015feyi unutur, sonra g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc kurutan her olay\u0131 kafamda tekrar ya\u015fard\u0131m, nadiren de\u011fi\u015fen manzaramda dikkatimi \u00e7ekecek bir \u015feyler olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda tabii. Arada bir kar\u015f\u0131 evdeki balkona \u00e7\u0131kan bu \u00e7ocu\u011fu g\u00f6r\u00fcr, kaybetti\u011fim masumiyetime hay\u0131flan\u0131rd\u0131m. Onun merakl\u0131 g\u00f6zlerinden d\u00fcnyay\u0131 izlemeyi ne kadar \u00f6zledi\u011fimi ke\u015fke tarif edebilsem. Sonra bir gece yar\u0131s\u0131, ben s\u0131cak yata\u011f\u0131mda m\u0131\u015f\u0131l m\u0131\u015f\u0131l uyurken, ki bu rahat uyuma durumum hi\u00e7 de s\u00fcre\u011fen de\u011fildir, kar\u015f\u0131 evde \u00e7\u0131kan yang\u0131na uyand\u0131m. Pencereyi a\u00e7\u0131p bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda bencil beynim ilk \u00f6nce y\u00fcz\u00fcme y\u00fcz\u00fcme gelen alevlerin bizim apartmana s\u0131\u00e7ramas\u0131ndan korktu. Camlar\u0131n ate\u015fin yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 bas\u0131nca dayanamay\u0131p da patlamas\u0131yla \u00e7\u0131kan, beni de aniden uyand\u0131ran o \u015fiddetli sesin salg\u0131latt\u0131\u011f\u0131 adrenalinin bencilli\u011fime yard\u0131m etti\u011finde \u015f\u00fcphe yok. Ama biraz hafifleyince yang\u0131n, itfaiye de ula\u015f\u0131nca, onlar m\u00fcdahalelerini yaparken ben de o dayan\u0131lmaz is kokusuna ra\u011fmen yine balkonuma \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m ve \u00e7ocu\u011fun masumiyeti hakk\u0131nda d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. \u00d6n\u00fcmde yanan bir ev varken utanc\u0131mdan sigaram\u0131 yakamad\u0131m. Bu \u00e7ekilmez trafikte seni avutmak i\u00e7in o \u00e7ocu\u011fu ve ona sonsuz bir yuva olan o ate\u015fleri g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcne her getirdi\u011fim zaman an\u0131msad\u0131\u011f\u0131m Tevfik Fikret’in \u015fu \u015fiirini okumak isterim sevgili yans\u0131mam:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
G\u00fczel \u00e7oban, bir i\u00e7im, bir yudum su testinden
Bug\u00fcn s\u0131cak yine pek, sanki ortal\u0131k yan\u0131yor<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
G\u00fczel \u00e7ocuk senin olsun hayat\u0131m istersen
Ni\u00e7in g\u00f6z\u00fcm sana bakt\u0131k\u00e7a b\u00f6yle ya\u015flan\u0131yor?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
G\u00fczel \u00e7oban, ne kadar tatl\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorsun sen
Yalan da olsa i\u00e7im do\u011fru s\u00f6yledin san\u0131yor<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
G\u00fczel \u00e7ocuk, bana bak, aldat\u0131r m\u0131y\u0131m seni ben?
\u0130\u00e7in bu ya\u015flar\u0131 bo\u015f anl\u0131yorsa aldan\u0131yor<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
G\u00fczel \u00e7oban, bir i\u00e7im, bir yudum su testinden
Bug\u00fcn s\u0131cak yine pek, sanki her yan\u0131m yan\u0131yor<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
N’oldu g\u00f6k, a\u011fl\u0131yor musun? Maalesef benim g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131m hi\u00e7bir yang\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6nd\u00fcrmeye yetmiyor. Senin g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131n belki kadir gelirdi g\u00f6k. Can\u0131n s\u0131k\u0131l\u0131nca g\u00fcrlemesini biliyorsun, gerekti\u011finde a\u011flaman i\u00e7in n’apmam\u0131z laz\u0131m? A\u011flatt\u0131\u011f\u0131m onca zavall\u0131 gibi, \u015fu kar\u015f\u0131mdaki \u00fcrkek yans\u0131mam gibi a\u011flaman i\u00e7in sana ne demeliyim? Ah zavall\u0131 \u00e7ocuk ah\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Otob\u00fcs durunca ben de uyu\u015fan ayaklar\u0131m biraz olsun a\u00e7\u0131ls\u0131n diye d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. Bir \u00e7ok yolcu da \u00f6yle yapt\u0131. Uyuyanlar mahmur g\u00f6zlerle aya\u011fa kalk\u0131p kendilerine var olduklar\u0131n\u0131, ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 hat\u0131rlat\u0131yorlar. Sigaras\u0131na hasret ke\u015fler en fazla say\u0131da dal\u0131 t\u00fctt\u00fcrebilmek i\u00e7in hi\u00e7 zaman kaybetmiyorlar. \u015eof\u00f6r de onlardan biri olsa gerek, otob\u00fcs\u00fc park etti\u011fi gibi kendini ara\u00e7tan att\u0131. Uzaktan onu izledim, surats\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 kal\u0131c\u0131la\u015fm\u0131\u015f cemalini izledim. Belli ki i\u015fini sevmiyor. \u0130nsanlarla konu\u015farak onlar hakk\u0131nda \u00e7ok \u015fey anlayan biri de\u011filim, kald\u0131 ki bir bak\u0131\u015fla onlar\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6zeyim. Y\u0131llard\u0131r tan\u0131\u015f\u0131k olduklar\u0131m\u0131n daha \u00f6nce hi\u00e7 g\u00f6rmedi\u011fim obruklar\u0131na d\u00fc\u015fmekten her yerim yara bere. Lakin bir insan evlad\u0131na bak\u0131p da anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir \u015fey varsa o da i\u015fini sevip sevmedi\u011fidir. Bu \u015fof\u00f6r\u00fcn ka\u015flar\u0131 da dudaklar\u0131 da b\u0131kk\u0131nl\u0131ktan yere d\u00fc\u015fmek \u00fczere, kafas\u0131nda sa\u00e7 kalmam\u0131\u015f. \u0130\u015fiyle bar\u0131\u015f\u0131k \u015fof\u00f6rler g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Ama i\u015fini seveni g\u00f6rd\u00fcm m\u00fc, hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum. Kafam\u0131n i\u00e7inde bir yerlerde dola\u015fan bir \u015fof\u00f6r varsa al\u0131nmas\u0131n, bu durum asla i\u015fi araba s\u00fcrmek olan insanlara tipik de\u011fil. \u0130\u015fini ger\u00e7ekten seviyor olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kabul edemeyen bir ekseriyet, biraz da i\u015flerini sevmiyor olmad\u0131klar\u0131 ve sevmiyor olman\u0131n de\u011filinin sevmekten ibaret oldu\u011funu sand\u0131klar\u0131 i\u00e7in, i\u015flerini sevdiklerini zannediyorlar. Oysa bunlar yaln\u0131zca i\u015fleriyle bar\u0131\u015f\u0131klar. Zihin hayat\u0131 kolayla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 sanr\u0131lar yarat\u0131rken, a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 ve apa\u00e7\u0131k tutars\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 nedeniyle evsahibini delirtmedi\u011fi s\u00fcrece, pek \u00f6zg\u00fcr davran\u0131r. \u0130\u015fkence olmayan her \u015feyi, zorunluluk ko\u015fulu alt\u0131ndaysa, tutku addetmekten hi\u00e7 utanmaz. Hi\u00e7 yoktan bir ger\u00e7eklik yaratmak eminim zordur zihin bey\/han\u0131m; ama bu sizin yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z ars\u0131zl\u0131kt\u0131r. Otob\u00fcse geri bindi\u011fimde yans\u0131mama da soraca\u011f\u0131m, beni onaylayaca\u011f\u0131ndan hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphem yok. Peki insan nas\u0131l sevmedi\u011fi bir i\u015fi yap\u0131p da tatilleri bekleyerek ya\u015far? Biliyorum kimse bu duruma hayat onlar\u0131 kapana k\u0131st\u0131rmam\u0131\u015fken kendisi girmiyor. Kimi tutkusunu bulamad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in kendisini hasta san\u0131yor, kiminin tutkusuna para vermiyorlar; kimininse hayat\u0131 o kadar \u00e7izilmi\u015fki hen\u00fcz o do\u011fmadan, bir se\u00e7im yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 ill\u00fczyonuna bile kap\u0131lam\u0131yor. Bir de g\u00fcre\u015fe s\u0131rt\u0131 yerde ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f pehlivanlar var. Sen \u00e7ocuk, sen onlardan birisin. \u015eimdi otob\u00fcs\u00fcm kalk\u0131yor, yeti\u015fmeliyim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lakin ne d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeliyim bu durum kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda, sevgili yans\u0131mam, tarihin hi\u00e7bir proletaryas\u0131 bu uslu topluluk kadar dizginlenmi\u015f de\u011filken? \u0130nsan \u015fimdi g\u00fcn\u00fc kurtar\u0131r\u0131m, sona do\u011fru anlama, anlaml\u0131l\u0131\u011fa yana\u015f\u0131r\u0131m san\u0131yor. Hay\u0131r, asla sanma bunu, asla b\u00f6yle aptal olma! Sona yakla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a de\u011fi\u015fecek tek \u015fey, ge\u00e7mi\u015f hakk\u0131nda daha fazla d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek olacak. Nas\u0131l al\u0131\u015ft\u0131ysan \u00f6yle bitireceksin. O kutsal noktaya yakla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a onun kudreti seni \u00f6ylesine etki alan\u0131na alacak ki al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n yollardan d\u00f6nmeye ne arzun ne takatin kalacak. \u0130\u015fte bu y\u00fczden gitti\u011fin yolu bilmeni tavsiye ederim, me\u011ferki arada bir yoldan \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p avare gezindi\u011fin bir sapma g\u00fczergah\u0131nda ol. Bilmedi\u011fini fark etti\u011fin anda da bunu, yani bilmedi\u011fini kendine a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a s\u00f6ylemeni. Nas\u0131l olsa her yolunu bulmak istedi\u011finde bir avare sapmaya daha giri\u015febilirsin. Nas\u0131l g\u00fczel s\u00f6ylediklerimin bir anlam\u0131 varm\u0131\u015f gibi konu\u015fuyorum, \u00f6yle de\u011fil mi? Oysa hi\u00e7bir \u015fey bilmiyorum. Ama neyse ki sen benim bir \u015fey bilmedi\u011fimin fark\u0131ndas\u0131n. Bo\u015f bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131ndan anl\u0131yorum bunu. Galiba uyumak istiyorsun. Yolculuk s\u0131ras\u0131nda uyuyamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in \u00fczg\u00fcn\u00fcm sevgili yans\u0131mam. Yolculuk, daha \u00f6nce s\u00f6yledi\u011fim gibi, at\u0131l da olsa bir hareketlilik h\u00e2li. Hareket ya\u015fam\u0131n temsilcisidir. Oysa uyku \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn karde\u015fidir derler. Hay\u0131r, daha uygun bir ifadeyle sen benim i\u00e7in neysen, uyku \u00f6l\u00fcm i\u00e7in o. Uyku \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn bir yans\u0131mas\u0131, bir nevi izd\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fc. Madem sordun, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn ya\u015fama izd\u00fc\u015f\u00fcmlerine ba\u015fka \u00f6rnekler de verebilirim yans\u0131mam: ya\u015fl\u0131l\u0131k, hastal\u0131k, unutkanl\u0131k, durgunluk, ayr\u0131l\u0131k\u2026 Uyku t\u00fcm bunlar aras\u0131nda ilgin\u00e7 bir yere sahip. Bug\u00fcn kalk\u0131p bir krall\u0131k kursa t\u00fcm bu izd\u00fc\u015f\u00fcmleri, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn ya\u015fama izd\u00fc\u015f\u00fcmleri krall\u0131\u011f\u0131, teknik olarak hepsinin kayna\u011f\u0131, yarat\u0131c\u0131s\u0131 oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in belli ki \u00f6l\u00fcme taparlard\u0131. Ama eminim krallar\u0131 uyku olurdu. \u015eu d\u00fcnya denen mavi noktan\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcndeki insanc\u0131klar pek uzun zamand\u0131r hastal\u0131kla sava\u015f\u0131yorlar, yendiler denemez ama her ge\u00e7en g\u00fcn ilerliyorlar. Bunun ve ba\u015fka sebeplerin bir sonucu, ya\u015fl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 da epey p\u00fcsk\u00fcrtmeyi ba\u015fard\u0131lar. Bug\u00fcn\u00fcn insan\u0131 zaten durmak nedir bilmiyor, durgunluk da uykuya kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir rakip olamaz. Ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n hakk\u0131ndan gelense zaten bir ba\u015fka izd\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fc unutkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ta kendisi. Uykuysa g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fc kaybetmedi, kaybetmesi m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fil. Ya\u015fam\u0131n ona ihtiyac\u0131 var. Tanr\u0131s\u0131 gelip insana zaman\u0131ndan erken k\u0131ymas\u0131n diye insandan d\u00fczenli hara\u00e7 kesen bir haydut o, haydut kral. Unutkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n da uykuyu devirmek i\u00e7in yeterli bir rakip olamad\u0131\u011f\u0131 a\u015fikar. Bunun i\u00e7in iyi bir sebep vard\u0131, hen\u00fcz az \u00f6nce akl\u0131mdayd\u0131, ancak \u015fu an hat\u0131rlayam\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bunca yol d\u00fc\u015f\u00fc, bunca kilometre, bu denli duygu g\u00f6zlerini susturmaya yetmedi mi? Gitti\u011fin yollardan geri d\u00f6nmeyi kan\u0131ksam\u0131\u015f, b\u00fct\u00fcn u\u011fra\u015flar\u0131na ra\u011fmen ayn\u0131 yerde kalmaktan, bir arpa boyu yol katedememekten g\u00fccenmi\u015ftin hani hayata? Hani sen kap\u0131y\u0131 \u00e7arp\u0131p \u00e7\u0131kacakt\u0131n da hasret de kap\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7almayacakt\u0131 bir daha? Nedir \u015fimdi bu hikaye g\u00f6zlerinin h\u00e2l\u00e2 anlatmaya devam etti\u011fi? Art\u0131k yaln\u0131zca kapat g\u00fczel g\u00f6zlerini. Yol uykuya, uyku \u00f6l\u00fcme, \u00f6l\u00fcmse yeniden yola \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131ncaya dek seni…
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
At\u0131l bir hareketlilik h\u00e2li, ah \u015fu yolculuklar. G\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcne serilmi\u015fken \u00e7ivi gibi \u00e7ak\u0131lm\u0131\u015f da\u011flar ve \u015fu ince sema, yollar\u0131n \u00fczerinde geni\u015f\u00e7e s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcrken ben, camdaki yans\u0131mamla kar\u015f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ya gelmi\u015fim. O bana bak\u0131yor ben ona. Sanki ben onu tan\u0131mam\u0131\u015f\u0131m da o beni biliyor bir yerlerden. G\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn i\u00e7ine dalsam, \u00e7\u0131kamayaca\u011f\u0131m o derin siyahtan, dakikalarca. Ne de olsa vaktim 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